Tonight it was Paige's turn to get in on the fun. Kaeli has been an amazing little helper the past couple of years with each of the holidays and seems to love it. Once I thought the 3 younger kids were asleep Kaeli came down and we discussed our game plan. Paige walked to the top of the stairs with a smile on her face asking why Kaeli was down here. She saw a few empty plastic eggs and paper that would hold "clues". (The Easter Bunny hides the filled Easter Baskets and then leaves clues in plastic eggs). Paige is a smart little girl and there's no doubt she had put it all together....but she's also not one to just confront a situation. I knew I'd have to just ask her outright if she believes in the Easter Bunny. Very matter-of-factly she simply said "no".
She and I went into the bedroom to talk more because I didn't want to risk the boys overhearing our conversation. It was then that I learned she hasn't believed in anything for at least a year now!! I still can't explain why, but my eyes filled with tears. At that point Kaeli walked in and said "Paige, don't worry, she cried when I found out, too". She walked over and put her arms around me to give me a hug. I have never laughed so hard as I did when she then said "Mom, you are SUCH a loser for crying about this stuff". But I know it was said with lots of love. ;)
It really was such a special moment as I sat there laughing and crying with 2 of my girls. It's a very bittersweet rite of passage I think. For me it feels like my children suddenly age by years instead of minutes....and lose a large part of childhood innocence. The innocence of believing, without question, that there is this magic in the world that defies all logic and allows for bunnies, santas, and tooth fairies. I guess a part of me just ponders the question "Is this the moment when we begin questioning everything in life that doesn't make perfect sense logically?" No, I do not believe that the moment of discovery precipitates this shift in thinking. Instead, I think it's the shift that leads to the doubts in the first place. And, at the risk of sounding somewhat ridiculous to some, it feels to me that when I confirm the doubts I have taken my child by the hand and walked them across the threshold from childhood innocence to adulthood skepticism.
On a lighter note, though, it has been so much fun allowing my daughters to help keep the magic alive just a bit longer for the two boys.
1 comment:
Very well put. Eme cried when she found out about Santa :( (a few years ago now!) I felt so bad for confirming her fears! Abby just seemed to figure it out, but Olivia has begun questioning. I don't think she REALLY wants to know yet, as even when she asks, she doesn't press my vague answers. Here's hoping she'll hold on for another year yet :)
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